We all have a family of some kind. We are born into one, with other siblings or we may be a single child. When we get married, we form a new family. We have a church family if your a constant church goer, work family etc. The point is, we all belong to some kind of family.
Just because we belong to a family doesn’t mean we all get along. Good strong families take work. Unfortunately, the world today has way to many disfuctional and hateful families.
Coming from experience, mine was not a hateful family. But it was far from being a good strong functioning family. I have two sisters, with me being the only male sibling and being in the middle. My oldest sister is 5 years older and my other sister is 7 years younger.
The Good: We were raised in a Bible believing church. We were taught right from wrong. We had both parents living in the same house. Although their was always loud verbal conflicts between our parents, they loved their children the best they knew how.
The Bad: Because of the 12 year gap between the first born and the last born. Very little bonding happened between the two of them. They never got to know each other until they became adults. I was the lucky one because, I was able to have somewhat of a bond with both sisters. I was able to spend some time with my older sister getting know a little bit about her (when she would let me) growing up. I was also able to form a bond with my younger sister. My older sister was always busy with her friends, not wanting to care for or worry about a little brother hanging around. So trying to establish a brother and sister bond was a difficult one. Even today, there is not much of a bond there, other then being of the same blood, that’s about as far as it goes. My other sister on the other hand. When we were young, we developed a bond and often did things together. But as we grew older, things changed, life happens and that bond no longer exists. Now, for whatever reason, she refuses to even speak to me.
The Ugly: Like I said, my younger sister refuses to talk to me. I don’t know why. Somewhere along the way in our adulthood, I must have said or did something that made her not want to speak to me. She has put up a thick hard wall between us, not wanting anything to do with me. When our Father past away in 2005, my older sister and I had teenagers in our households. Money was tight, we had jobs, but like many of us, we lived from paycheck to paycheck. Funerals are expensive. Mom and Dad had not put much money aside or did much planning for death. So when it came to paying for the funeral, my younger sister, still single, working for one of the big 3 car companies in Michigan paid for the funeral. My oldest sister and I, helped as much as we could. But it wasn’t anything substantial. When our Mother passed away in 2016, my youngest sister refused to help out at all. We wanted to give Mom a regular funeral, but since the majority of the cost was coming out of my pocket, we had to resort to cremation, in order for me to pay for it. A few weeks later, my older sister sent me $2,000.00 to help out, as the cost of cremation put a big strain on my wife’s and I financial situation. The whole process of planning moms funeral, my youngest sister barely even acknowledged that I was even in the same room with her. Whatever I did, she refuses to talk about or talk to me about it. I have apologized to her, but she still showed no eye contact, has said nothing, and that thick hard wall was still in place.
What a sad disfuctional family I came from. It hurts me even today that I am not close to either of my sisters. My oldest sister lives in Alberta Canada, I think it’s about 1,800 miles from where I reside. My youngest sister, is less then 4 hours away in Michigan and refuses to talk to me and and apparently, has no desire to work anything out, or tell me what I did to hurt her to put up that wall.
How do you handle family problems like this one?
You have to be forgiving. Even though you don’t know what your asking forgiveness for. By being forgiving, you have opened the welcome door fir communication. By leaving the door open, hopefully at some point, they will walk through the door, to talk about the hurt, then the healing can start.
We must be meek, humble and forgetful. We must be willing to listen about the hurt, with no expectation of anything. Even if we don’t agree, we need to be sensitive to what is said, taking some responsibility, even though it may be hurtful, but now it’s out of the closet and it can be dealt with. Be forgetful, subconsiously we might have bad memories that have happened in the past. We need to forget about and release them. You can’t change them, you can’t fix them. You need to forget the past and start building a better future.
Pray, pray, pray. As much as we, I, may want to fix the situation(s), God is the only one that can change a heart. God will bring on the healing if we let him, but even if one party won’t accept your forgiveness, God has already forgiven you. He knows your heart, he knows your intention. Praying will help us heal, it will help us to be humble and meek, it will help us not to become bitter or judgemental. So if and when the time comes that this hurt can be dealt with. You will be able to meet it head on with the love of the Father, with the meekness, and grace He has shown us.
God cares about the family unit. He created it for a purpose. He wants us to form tight family bonds, so we can support one another, worship and praise God together. To pray and heal together.
If your a Christian, you are a part of the family of God. The day is coming when all of God’s family will be together forever.