Much can be said about people who use their ears more than their lips. In March, I will have been married for 21 years to a wonderful women, my best friend. I had been single for 8 years prior and use to doing things on my own, having things done my way and was also very opinionated. Being married and gaining two pre-teen sons, I had to learn quickly that while my opinions were appreciated, they were not the only ones that mattered. I also had to learn quickly to be very careful of what I said and how it was presented. The boyes father was a very verbal abuser to them and to their mother, so if I was going to set an example of how a man is supposed to treat his wife and family, I had to make sure my words were out of love and truth.

Learning to use your ears before your lips can be a daunting task. I still catch myself speaking before hearing and sometimes make wrong choices because I didn’t hear what really was being said. If you really listen, you will hear what a person is really trying to say or tell you. A good listener isn’t trying to form an answer while the other is speaking. It is hearing the words in the way they are being presented to you and after the talking is done, taking time to absorb what has been said. Then if it warrants a response, pick your words wisely and use them to build up or confirm what was said. Most of the time, the person speaking does not want your opinion or even asking for a response, but they are usually looking for some kind of confirmation that they are heading in the right direction or it might just be a way for them to release stress or anxieties they are feeling.

The problem with speaking, using your lips is this. While words can be used to build up one another, words can also cause irrefutable damage and cause hurtfulness and life long injuries as it did to my Father and his brother that lasted for 48 years and wasn’t settled until just a few weeks before my Dads passing. There is still hurt remaining with my Uncle and Aunt. All the blessings and family time that were lost because of a few wrong choice words. A few words said the wrong way can or will change the course of a person’s life. People have committed suicide because of what a person said to them.  Many friendships have been lost because of a bad choice in words. Many relationships are broken, famille’s can be torn apart for years and even carried down to the next generation or generations. (I still have cousins that refuse to speak to my side of the family because of my Dad and his brother) When we speak, we need to speak out of genuine love and only speak of factual truths. You have heard that old cliché, “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all”.  How true. It should be the golden rule for speaking. Knowing when to speak and when to be silent is an ongoing learning process that never should be taken for granted.

Cherish your loved ones and speak more with your ears and speak less with your lips.